what next?

i've been so caught up in work and financial security the last 3 years, i forgot about myself. i forget what it means to have fun, to be happy and to play. i forget what it feels like to feel real emotions. i hate to admit this, i don't recognize the person i've become sometimes.

for a while, i thought accumulating enough would bring me to my goal of buying a house. i did it and i felt empty. there was nothing more to look forward to. i was as depleted as the numbers in my bank account. 

i thought about what might bring me real happiness. when it's different strokes for different folks, it's about first understanding yourself - who you are and how you function as a person. 

as a goal-driven achievement-oriented workaholic, i perform best when i am fully engaged in doing something. i need goals to strike off in order to function - groping in the dark drives me nuts. so i've been back to the drawing board -- churning up a new set of goals, new timelines and new plans ahead. 

- giving back: working with youths from underprivileged, dysfunctional homes through creative writing classes. 

- writing: working on my own column and as a contributor. 

- travel experiences: once things are more settled, it's time to flex those idle miles. no concrete plans, but tokyo, nepal and london sound good. and i want to take my grandparents somewhere they want.

- investment classes: fine-tuning my investment strategy and stock picks. rebuild my blue-chip portfolio and retirement fund. i intend to retire by 50, and that's 20 years to plan ahead for :)

and just when you think you know it, your world cracks open to let life in.