another dollar, another day

today's a rare day where i'm spending the morning by myself at home - coffee and quiet contemplations. life's been hectic and i haven't had much time away for myself. almost forgot the beauty in such simple comforts.

i just remembered this space exists and i came here to write, dusting off the proverbial cobwebs. and i almost forgot how cathartic writing could be.

this time tomor, i'll be in japan for a week.

it's one of those days where you just wake up feeling really drained and tired. here's a huge part of me that feels empty and wonders, what else is there?

life has given me everything i thought i wanted. but am i happy? no.

i'm tired, burnt out, restless and need a break for a while. wish i could go somewhere someplace and just live. and i should be slapped crazy for feeling this way when there's so much to be thankful about.

some days, i wish i could leave the responsible adult behind. pack up and leave, rent out my place, sell my things, travel the world, re-learn what it means to be free and happy.

get in touch with my heart. and perhaps, learn to love again.

unexpected love

they say love can knock on your door unexpectedly when you're aren't expecting a visitor. i couldn't agree more.

i've been single since my last relationship - short-lived disastrous one - ended last April. life's been busy with work, new projects, doing up my home, spending time with good friends, reaffirming my relationship with God, and doing my own thing. it was a happy productive kind of busy.

at 30, i realise relationships are only one part of life and it's perfectly okay to be alone. being alone doesn't equate to being lonely. but when you're with someone and feel lonelier than ever craving your own space, then you know it's time to leave. 

there have been a couple of interesting people, a few dates here and there - but i guess I've been holding out for that certain spark, that certain something. you know it when you know it. 

and perhaps, because i was happy and fulfilled on my own, that the magic happened. 

earlier this year, over lunch with a friend from church, she asked if she could introduce me to her friend. he's been working overseas for the past few years and recently relocated back. 

a couple of months later, we met up for dinner. dinner became drinks. at the end of the night, it was hard to leave, because we still had so much to say. and it's been that way ever since. 

and i suppose that's some magic in itself :)

an awesome kind of happy

so we moved in and called this place home in Jan. things weren't finished and there were bits hanging, and pieces to be fixed. but we were happy. that sort of happy is such an awesome new feeling, i don't even have the words for it.

fast forward a crazy busy first half of the year. the months just flew by - i blinked, and next thing i knew, we're whizzing by August. 

i've been spending time in Europe and China, and it'll be Sydney for Christmas with family there - but unlike the past travels, this time i can't wait to come back. to sit on my sofa and heave a sigh knowing i am truly home. and resist the urge to doze off.

and come home to love.

what next?

i've been so caught up in work and financial security the last 3 years, i forgot about myself. i forget what it means to have fun, to be happy and to play. i forget what it feels like to feel real emotions. i hate to admit this, i don't recognize the person i've become sometimes.

for a while, i thought accumulating enough would bring me to my goal of buying a house. i did it and i felt empty. there was nothing more to look forward to. i was as depleted as the numbers in my bank account. 

i thought about what might bring me real happiness. when it's different strokes for different folks, it's about first understanding yourself - who you are and how you function as a person. 

as a goal-driven achievement-oriented workaholic, i perform best when i am fully engaged in doing something. i need goals to strike off in order to function - groping in the dark drives me nuts. so i've been back to the drawing board -- churning up a new set of goals, new timelines and new plans ahead. 

- giving back: working with youths from underprivileged, dysfunctional homes through creative writing classes. 

- writing: working on my own column and as a contributor. 

- travel experiences: once things are more settled, it's time to flex those idle miles. no concrete plans, but tokyo, nepal and london sound good. and i want to take my grandparents somewhere they want.

- investment classes: fine-tuning my investment strategy and stock picks. rebuild my blue-chip portfolio and retirement fund. i intend to retire by 50, and that's 20 years to plan ahead for :)

and just when you think you know it, your world cracks open to let life in.

home shopping day: choosing tiles

on leave friday for a bout of massive shopping!

in a surprising turn of events, the interior designer i wanted to work with much earlier came back. i'm only too happy to hand the project over and have him manage the coordination and timelines. we negotiated, i waited a week, and the rest was history! :))

lesson learnt: we should all focus on what we do best. he's the best person for the job, and i can spend my time better on work and personal projects. YAYY!!


what kind of flooring?
the floors contribute to the overall look and feel of a house. it took me a long time to decide if i wanted to overlay the current flooring with luxury vinyl or laminate, or if i should hack out everything to relay with new tiles.

in the end, i decided on a complete overhaul - tearing down and gutting the whole place - for a brand new shell to call my first home. every single wall tile and floor tile hacked, all the pipes replaced, and the wall hacked for a more open concept.


envisioning the look and feel
i confess, i kinda did it backwards. however, the tangled mess of ideas was important in achieving clarity - narrowing down what you like and dreaming up creative solutions how to rock the space you have!

before deciding on the flooring, it's important to know your style and color preferences. while furniture shopping, i realize my color preferences extend to largely matte whites, glossy white finishes, and light to medium wood tones, with bold color in small doses. i also love Kartell's Ghostbuster range of clear acrylic pieces and edgy galvanized steel stuff.


tile selection
given these color preferences and taste profiles, a cool palette of greys would work best.

i love the industrial look and feel, but can't handle the hairline cracks and chips that are part and parcel of concrete. i also wanted something low maintenance, functional and lasting.

the brilliant alternative: matt homogenous tiles with a running pattern, that gives a natural cement screed look and a more polished canvas. for a more seamless blanket finish, i've also asked for colored grey grouting instead of the usual white/black lines.

Decisions, decisions! 50 shades of grey to choose from! 

Narrowed down to 2 - a lighter tone, and a slightly darker tone with more running definition.

Best way to decide: get a few actual tile slabs and lay it on the ground for a better visual spread. I choose the darker tile for a more textured finish against white streamlined walls. This will be the flooring for my living spaces and rooms - the perfect backdrop for splashes of color, bold art pieces and statement furniture pieces :))

Bathroom flooring: deciding between a medium grey and a dark slate non-slip tile with a rough 'pebbled' finish. Set against the grey floor tiles, i picked the darker tile to add more character and a bolder contrast.

in a small space, it helps to employ similar color tones to visually "open up" the space. here's my final selection of 3 shades - a juxtaposition of the edgy industrial vibes and modern flair - for a simple, polished look i'm able to build upon.

house to home: creating spaces

it's important to have functional spaces. it's about knowing yourself as a person, your current lifestyle and future plans, it's easy to create little nooks you'd love going home to!

here are some spaces i seek to create:

a space to teach

for a while, i've been thinking about giving back - by running creative writing classes for children from underprivileged, dysfunctional homes. after all, it wasn't too long ago that i was a rebellious dyslexic kid who wrote from right to left, and didn't know my 9 from 6, or p from q :) for this, i'm turning walls and doors into whiteboard space. as a kid, i was caned for drawing on walls. as an adult, i get to do it anytime!

a space to work 

this is where my bookshelves are, within easy reach of a long table. it's a quiet corner to compose my thoughts in my head and write. crunch through corporate annual reports, plan my next trades and investments, and scribble numbers on walls. 

a space to cook and clean

the kitchen - two rows of kitchen cabinets with generous bench top space within a small compact kitchen with a separate laundry area. i'm now deciding between a full open concept, or one with full-panel glass doors.  

a space to host 

i'd love to have close friends come over for dinner and drinks, where i'd dole out diarrhea cook and open bottles of wine. i'd also love to open my house up for cell group meetings and gatherings. this means enough accessible floor space for walking and sitting.

a space for rest

bedrooms - a good firm mattress is a must. i hope it won't be a case of falling asleep on books and my MacBook next to me.

a space for being a woman

i have more clothes and shoes than i know what to do with. plus it needs a full length mirror… plus winter clothes and a whole lot of other stuff in the storeroom. you never know what you have until it's time to move!

... to be continued :)

being your own interior designer

my best plans have been thrown out of the window.

being a stickler for timelines, i'm learning that most of life doesn't move in an orderly fashion. because my earlier interior designer quit before i could sign his quotation - plus several issues later - it seems i'd take things into my own hands and be my own designer! 

so here's presenting the Fussy Noob & Patient Contractor chapter! i'm just glad it's a small home!

being your own ID

learning lessons and a process i'm learning to enjoy 

1. know what you want and know what you do

when it comes to designing a home - a space that's truly yours - it's important to know who you are, what you like, what you love, what you can accept. a home should be a natural visual extension of your personality - in hard and soft ways. this should carry through in the infrastructure built and the soft furnishings. 

a home that is eccentrically me is an almost schizophrenic juxtaposition of vintage quirks, industrial streaks, playful touches, strong splashes of colours, presented in clean lines and a modern contemporary flair. and no one would know how to put together a place like this other than yourself.

2. know what you absolutely can't stand

it's the little things that will bug you unless you grow to love them. if you're an anal perfectionist like me who likes seamless finishes, the little things like uneven surfaces and corners will bug you. after much denial, i've to admit i hate anything sticking out - this means pipes, wires etc. this means forking out extra for wall plastering, cornices and false ceilings.

3. get inspired

visit as many places as you can. the new york apartments and american sites have fabulous inspiration for modular systems and multi-functonal uses. beg, borrow and steal, many furnishing and home decor magazines as possible.

4. get recommendations and compare at least 3 quotes

rule of thumb: get three quotes and compare. if you can, try to stick to contractors and/or IDs who come recommended by friends, and with a good track record. ask to visit your friends' homes or a completed project. the test of time will tell you a lot about workmanship (and your friend's habits ;p!)

the cheapest way to do up a home is to work direct with different people - contractor, carpenter, plumber, air con guy and so on. however, do it only if you're a seasoned hero with lots of time -- the coordination and scheduling can kill you. otherwise, skip it and leave an ID to take care of everything.

5. BUDGET

the dirty world. EVERYTHING WILL COST YOU. one arm, a leg or if you're lucky, a fingernail. it helps to give a generous buffer - get your contractor / ID to work around an amount, know how much things cost, the cost difference between the options available (eg. laminated flooring V vinyl V tiles), and how long they can last.

6. know your materials

before this, i was a total noob who only knew the difference between pebbled calf leather and smooth nappa lambskin. you'll be glad to know what the difference is between materials, finishes and their properties in justifying your cost - eg. tiles (homongenous, marble, ceramic, mosiac) or kitchen surface tops (solid surface, acrylic granite, marble, quartz).

7. know your season and sales

the months of Oct - Jan will see many contractors and IDs full, as homeowners rush to pretty their homes for Chinese New Year. and there is only a very limited pool of good skilled workers available. however, it is also the best time for bargains! warehouse sales and off-season designer pieces - businesses also have to clear to make way for new stocks!

8. "FEEL" the house

put your head aside and toss logic away to use your heart for this one. just walk around the empty house and just 'feel it'. visual what your life would be like and what you would be doing. this helps immensely in planning spaces. 

9. check how much light the house gets

if the unit doesn't get much light, see if you can hack a window-facing wall - invest in glass or go for an open concept to allow as much natural light in as possible. otherwise, combat this with lighting. 

10. check how much noise the house gets

go at various times of the day to understand the human traffic and how 'busy' the estate can be. do this with the windows open and windows closed. if noise gets to you, invest in heavy curtains (cheaper option) or heavy-duty double glazed windows (super option). 

..... to be continued!